Dizzy Girl

I had a slight tumble yesterday and I still feel slightly cuncussed, that along with the amazing heat from the last few week's classes, and some realizations about those I love, is frankly, making me kind of dizzy in general.

The blow to the head was for all intensive purposes,self inflicted, and feels better.
The heat this past couple of weeks has been brutal during class, but I think I am starting to get used to it.
The loved ones, well, I am coming to accept the complicated lives they make for themselves, at a price. The more I accept, and the more I become OK with, the more I realize, I no longer feel as close to them. Loving someone and not getting emotionally bound by what they do, brings a kind of peaceful detachment to the relationship, and the detachment is textural. Like laying next to someone who is wrapped in a down comforter. Its soft and flexible and warm, but it takes up space and creates a distance. My life has just gotten really simple, while theirs have stayed the same. Its a comforting, peaceful loss, but a loss all the same.

Simplicity is something many avoid at all costs, we must stay busy, keep moving, keep talking, keep looking, keep thinking, keep wasting energy. You see, when there are a million things or people or situations to consider, then you don't have to focus. During class focus and stillness are the hardest parts to get. Inside class everything around you is a potential distraction that, if you react to, will drain energy from you and destroy your balance. Outside class they pertain to your mind and the decisions you make in your life, the more distractions you surround yourself with, the more is taken away from you and the less of you is left.

When you spend hours every day in a room with 20 other people, just breathing,just focusing, just pushing yourself, you learn how totally unnecessary all your distractions are.